I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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