dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
