Whats the glycemic index on semen?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
