remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
