just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
