sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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