my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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