It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Every concussion has its silver lining
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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