you guys were way drunker than both of me
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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