Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
