and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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