And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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