I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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