pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
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If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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