Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
