My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
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