right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
