i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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