i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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