I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
