The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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