i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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