I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
