I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
