The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
