I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
