Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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