coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
