Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
