please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i was born a porn star she said
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
