What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Randomize
