i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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