Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
