Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize