i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
