The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
