She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
