I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
