I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
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you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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