plz talk dirty to me
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
