I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize