You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
