yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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