1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
