no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
