I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
