I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
