I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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