i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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