and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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