You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
