You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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