You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
