everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize