Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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