so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
