dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
