I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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