I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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