Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
