i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
