i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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