It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Randomize
